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PUSSIES NEED NOT APPLY

The Best Men We Can Be

January 26, 2019

Here at the Cascade Legion, we take masculinity seriously. So when we heard that Gillette was taking action, and challenging us to do more, we listened.

 

Citing "bullying," the #MeToo movement, and "toxic masculinity," this blade-manufacturing subsidiary of Procter & Gamble asked the viewer if this is the best a man can get, before depicting scenes of boys chasing each other, complimenting women, and most troubling of all, men grilling together.

 

The problematic source of these behaviors, we were told, is a phrase: "boys will be boys." This phrase -- originating in 1921 -- is the source of bullying and sexual harassment. As students of history, we were unaware that these behaviors had gotten worse since the Great Depression, but we always try to admit when we're wrong.

 

We're trying to do better.

 

Like most men.

 

 

We're trying to break the vicious cycle. We don't want to cut down other people, but to grow something of our own.

 

Something organic. Something healthy. Something inspirational.

 

Something natural, which reflects true masculinity, and not the boyish mask of culturally engendered male norms that deprive both males and females of the men we could be.

 

We thought about it for a while.

 

And then we knew what to do.

 

 

We at the Cascade Legion condemn and oppose all forms of "toxic masculinity," the kind that is hidden, and which poisons and weakens men. 

 

Instead, we prefer the more active "caustic masculinity." The kind that is open about its nature. 

 

The kind that doesn't cut off the single most obvious physiological difference between men and women, and for that matter, between men and boys: the beard. 

 

Given the apparently toxic nature of boys being boys, it's just the decent thing to be a man. Throw away your Gillette razor, and be the best man you can be.

 

-VOLENS PUGNARE-

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